so i fell.
now both my butts are balanced .
not as bad as the previous one,
but still got or chieh.
heng arh~~


came home,
and quarrelled with mum.
i really, really, really DONT understand the things she do and the words she says.
she likes to tell strangers about the family,
and i find it damn annoying everytime.
imagine the surprise when some san gu liu po ask about things u dont want them to know.
NEVER wash dirty laundry in public.!
-sighs-

still no gd news regarding transfer yet.
-keeping my fingers crossed-
anyway, just to say:
i may act nonchalent,
even able to laugh,
doesn't mean that im not worried at all.
think about it:
if i worry everyday,
i cannot do anything at all.
life goes on.
i've gathered all courage to accept this fact,
and i've to face it, like it /not.

how i wish my relatives could understand my thinking though.
hoardes of them are putting even more pressure on me,
giving me snide remarks like:

1)i told u so. why never listen to me?

2)why u cannot be like gorgor/jiejie[cousins]...?
study until uni,
then come out to work alrdy.

3) eh, my niece got AD grade leh.
DISTINCTION HOR!

-fumes-

1),2) i went like =.="""""
cos as far as i know,
yeah, they went to unis and highly paid,
but all of them went through a really bad patch in life too wad.
just that mine's earlier as compared to theirs.
wadthehell.
so am i to blame for being the 3rd youngest in the family....?
cos we[cousins] were treated in different degrees of good.
so does it mean that if i happen to be the eldest,
i have the privilege to say: its okay, i can try again..?
if thats the case[apparently],
why cant the younger ones have the same privilege?!
different ppl have different capabilites,
so there must be different methods to education.
2years alrdy,
ppl are still sore abt me not following in my cousins footsteps
by gg to poly & not jc-uni...?!

i really dont know what do they want from me.
they claim to be concerned,
but they're actually depriving me the space to grow.
ban this, ban that,
so frustrating.
i've tried my best to be good.
i sacrifice my time to take care of ah ma,
doing alot of sai kang work,
getting yuan wang for nothing most of the time,
yet i've never raised my voice at uncles/aunties.
i've given my best shot for studies,
at least i can say that i've no regrets.
so why cant they allow me to play bball??
i rarely ask for things,
yet im being denied the few things which i have interest in.
what a joke.


3) is totally sarcasm.
ur niece=ur niece.
me=me
if im not opposed to moving hse,
i would've moved long ago,
FARFAR AWAY from you.

and to think that these are the remarks i got from next door only.
more to come&go.
=(

i think my emotions are beyond sad & helplessness alrdy.
zou yi bu kan yi bu.

Labels: butt;zou yi bu kan yi bu