this is getting dumber by the minute.


well,
at least i have the option of
pressing the OFF button on the remote control
if i dun feel like watching anymore =)



this is a random post.

Labels: relax and watch, sit back

okay,
so today's wednesday...

went to sch for color theory make up test..
1st time alicia sat beside me during class. =p
saw cheryl, peiyun & wan teng! =)
so long nvr see them liao..
haha.

came home,
ah ma & angela were back from lunch date with tua peh&tua um..
heard that they ate dim sum.
alamak.!
if only i took the test on monday..
hais.
but anyway,
sze hong gor gor is away at tokyo,
while suyi jie jie flew back to shanghai alrdy,
so nvm.. =)

looked down from my living room,
saw workers trying to plant gigantic trees
beside the new bus stop infront of anchor green pri..
the process is so interesting..
until the part whereby they cut off branches..
the end product is machiam planting botak trees.
haha.


xiao shu &wife came back early for dinner today...
yup.

GSS left with how many days...??
i dunno,
but i wanna shop!~~
so long nvr buy things liao,
$$$ always spent on ah ma and food
-.-
btw, mummy has promised to buy me things =)
yayness!~

[though i would've liked to hear her say: okay, i allow u to play bball. HAHAS!]

im so angry,
my stares could make everybody around me disappear into thin air.

im so diasppointed,

my heart sinks to the bottom.

this is just PLAIN STUPIDITY.







sometimes, i really wonder.....

do u really have a brain at all,
be it located in the head/butt for all that matters...?
from what i see,
i dun think u have at all.





however, i MUST CONGRATULATE you....

for destroying my belief that there IS still smth good left in you,
which, afterall,
is decided upon BY actions & NOT words.
'cos ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.





pls, stop 自欺欺人 alrdy.
u're making me despise u.
no amount of excuses can help u escape from being vilified.
running away is not a solution.


when i was sidelined just a mere few months ago,
i had thought of quitting.
but i turned back,
cos i had thought of my teammates,
who didn't deserve this kinda thing.

yes, there were problems on a personal front,
but despite the odds,
i still managed to turn up for trgs.

the least everybody could do was to stay happy,
but i was wrong.
in-fighting commenced,
and all sorts of rubbish emerged.

pls,
we're all semi-adults alrdy,
think of the consequences before u act/say.
u're responsible for urself.

how do humans know whether smth is good/bad?
they have to experience wad is bad before they know smth is good.

it applies here too.
why decide to fight when it isn't worth the time?
POL-ITE is just 3wks away,
yet i dun have faith.
what's this...?

this is so morale sapping.
the more i think,
3 words appear before me:

EGOS, ATTITUDE & MISCOMMUNICATION.

it wouldn't hurt to just acknowledge ur mistakes, wouldn't it?
can u 拿得起, 放得下?

reflection.
how nice a word,
but it serves no purpose if nth is learnt from it.

pls,
dun treat me like some sacrificial lamb to slay.
i've not changed.
its just that previously,
i've been lenient with words,
cos i believe that u'll come to ur senses soon.

but now the problems are so glaring even on the surface,
i really must voice out.

this is exactly the same thing i've experienced when i was sec 2.
its like watching an encore of moments of immatureness.



NO ONE IS BIGGER THAN THE TEAM.



this is getting out of hand.
CHUI ARH~

Labels: cold fury; disappointment

i'm sinking further & further down into the depths of hell with each passing day...
its so agonising,
cos im the only person who can save myself alrdy.


i forgot to bring back my beloved pillow [3rd generation] on saturday,
it was on my ah ma's bed next door..
and it was damn hard to sleep..
not because of the missing pillow,
but i just dunno why tears kept streaming down my cheeks.
its weird to actually know that
there're tears,
but im not sad at all.
this is so complicating.
ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


for the past 2 weeks,
i've nvr told anyone that i havent been sleeping well.
its the i-cant-slp-at-night symptoms once again,
but this time round it freaks me out.
cos i have been hearing the sound which i dread the most------
the sound of my heart beating.
its so loud,
they're comparable to the sound of drums in my ears.
yet,
im the only one who can hear,
its just so...*&^$^%$^



i really wish that there wont be a relapse.

came home,
realised that i've forgotten to take the vitamin pills =.=
no wonder i couldn't focus today..
all the shitty emotions and yada yada yada thingys...

maybe i shuld keep myself in check a lil' bit for now =)

i think its time for blog makeover....
=))
2wks later~~


anyway, updates~~~~


MON:

frenly against quan feng.
i....have nth much to say also,
but just to say:
they really make me go mad.
as in M-A-D.
havent been like that for donkey years,
and it was all the kiao-ing & underhanded actions that triggered it.
i'll make sure i'll pay back x2 if we ever face off again
=.=

and it really set me thinking:
its very diff to find fair play in bball.
after all, bball IS contact sports,
and nothing is fair in this world.
yup.
i guess i learnt it the hard way.
haha.

after trg,
time for angel mortal revealation.!~
3 ppl guessed their angel is me......
im so honoured,
cos im too good alrdy =)
omg.
[rushes to toilet,
check whether laugh until mouth crooked anot =ppppp]

my mortal's chunli,
and i remembered to do my job.
after recalling the horrible stack last yr
whereby almost everybody piled up onto me
for not doing my angel service to edwina.
LOL.
[diff for angel to work when mortals slp near the door]
HAHAS!

btw...................
WHY my angel nvr do work one??!!
bo xim...
and i still dunno who is it...
LOL.


then coach linsin had to return back to nc for junior's camp,
so she gave:
yaqi,
jasmine,
sze ying,
chen ning
& me a lift..

LOL.

how did we manage to squeeze in..?
i wonder. =)


note: im simple, not sophisticated =p



TUES:

mj day~~~~

gam gam ho 4 ppl,
which is practically:
grace,yaqi,tangen&me!
halfway through te went out,
so the 3 of us went for lunch...
then stopped by nan chiau,
deliver drinks =p

too bad im the host for the day,
or i could help out in the frenly =p
which made me think:

Do I qualify for the best host award??

HAHA.


was supposed to repair air con,
but last min postponed to wed...
heng wed no trg man =p

ALAMAK!
forgot to take pics.
lol.



WED:

waited the ENTIRE day for the air con to be repaired =.=
they came at 6pm.
which is-------WOW standard.
took 1hr,
and when i switched on the air-con,
i got the feeling that i was an eskimo living in antartica
power~~

hais.

suddenly i feel so sad...
cos i heard frm jiawen that her friend passed away cos of car accident..

its eerie,
cos nowadays i feel as if nyp has some sort of curse liddat...
from newspapers to news on tv,
accidents,
be it cars or dragon boats..
i see nyp student/graduates deaths,
and it really set me thinking...

are seat belts and safety precautions enough?
i hope so...

life is precious.
i'll make sure i'll not collapse anywhere.

im not gonna read much into it...
but just to say:
RIP, nyp ppl who has "gone on"

Your Personality at 35,000 Says...

Deep down, you prefer spending time alone to spending time with others. You enjoy thinking more than talking. You don't spend much time thinking about your place in the world. You are who you are - and people can just deal with that! Your gift is having good ears. You are naturally musical, and you pick up foreign languages easily. You are inspired by what is possible. Real life is often too ordinary for you. It's very easy for you to feel happy. You can find peace with any situation.

Your Attitude is Better than 45% of the Population

You have a positive attitude... somtimes. You prefer to see the world through clear glasses, not rose colored ones.

What Your Dreams Mean...

Your dreams seem to show that you're very preoccupied with your fears and problems. These bad dreams indicate that you need to spend more time on your issues during the day. Your dreams tend to reflect your insecurities. Your dreams indicate that you have very conflicted feelings. You have a very vivid imagination and a rich creative mind. You secretly want to hide your dreams from your waking mind.

this is so hilarious...!!!

never expected be be asked these days:


"why don't u get a boyfriend?"



LOL.LOL.LOL.

whats more, it's the most unexpected ppl that asked me.
[for the record, 10ppl have asked in june alrdy]
lmao.

seriously, i find the question so funny.
and i don't know why.
it just sounds laughable =p

anyway, i've been laughing throughout the entire night,
and i've also discovered smth...
that im a romantic person.
that i've unknowingly been waiting for somebody all these time.
LOLS!
believe it or not.

hahahaha!

........................................................................................................................................

father's day ytd,
celebrated on sat.
my mum so evil,
she told me that dinner starts at 7pm,
so i naively chionged down from amk at 5.30pm to bedok north.
when i was in bus 24 and passed by kembangan mrt,
my mum told me that they still havent left the hse,
and it was alrdy 6.20pm
-.-
reached the restaurant at 6.45pm,
and there wasn't a soul to be found.
walked around the estate,
and ppl at the bball courts were enjoying themselves,
while i was sweating like hell under my jacket.
called my 2nd aunt,
then she told me that dinner starts at 7.30pm.
no wonder....
&^%$^%^%
i could've played longer then..
sighs.

anyway,
my parents arrived at 7.45pm =.=
so dinner commenced,
food was edible,
but the air conditioning should do better.
half the time there was spent rueing why i decided to wear a jacket.
cos it was freaking hot, like sauna.
my goodness.

got a lift home by my 5th uncle.


just a random thought:
how nice would it be if i had a sister=p

....................................................................................................................................

nyp camp[POL-ITE] is over.

as usual,
recapped setplays & defense,
and got to know more of everybody.
it's also the time to condition our feelings and attitude towards the new season =p

im satisfied so far,
as long as im not affected by issues off the court.

had frenly against stackers,
everything was alright i guess...
but i expected more of myself,
because i never want to pull out of a game due to breathlessness again.
frankly speaking,
its quite demoralising to myself,
but at the same time,
i've also found my motivation.

i want to prove to my family that having freedom is a good thing for me.
i dun wan to be a caged bird anymore,
or have any invisible red tape around my neck.


ever since i started playing bball,
i've always had this wish that wasn't fulfilled even once.
i've wished that someday,
my family will come and watch me play the most important match.
they dun need to cheer for me,
their presence is enough alrdy.
if they'd watched me play,
they would've realised that im such a different person on & off court,
they wouldn't doubt my every action & decision all the time.
i need to prove myself to them,
be it academic or sports related.
that,
is my priority for now.

..................................................................................................................................

kembangan's 2008 youth cup journey has ended abruptly,
and i've got a swirl of different feelings & opinions swimming in my mind.
there are highs & lows at times,
but we were, and still is, a team.

coach cindy is fantastic.
im super glad[heartfelt] that im lucky enough to be under her for 6yrs & counting at nchs&nyp.
her perspective of things really wow me at times =p
she said that although she may not be our coach anymore,
we're welcome to ask her for advice if we had to.
she really wants us to be a useful person in life..
i rmb back in nchs,
she wanted a compilation of our grades,
and whomever failed or did badly,
had to run si zhe..
she goes out of her way to make sure that we even study hard,
although she could've just ignored our grades and off court matters..
classic case of yong xin liang ku =)

she has my total respect.
as a person, a coach, a mentor.

i guess because of these,
i've changed as a person.
in the past, i used to think for myself,
but now,
i think more for others around me instead =p
all the things i've learnt with my teammates are important lessons in life,
and they're worth every drop of sweat and tears and happiness
that was exchanged with it.


i suddenly have this notion:

even if i have no talent in bball,
passion overtakes it.
hard work pays off.

talent - passion [not=] bball.

play the beautiful game.


of course,
football is a close 2nd =)

Labels: fathers day;boyfriend;bball

whole body aching over,
totally sunburnt -.-

breathlessness came back again in the worst possible manner,
and the fear of collapsing suddenly just came back.
tmrw's a crucial match,
yet i've got the fear back again,
when i've thought that i've gone beyond this 'barrier' alrdy.
im not supposed to be feeling this...

is my body able to let me keep up with bball??





BASKET.!!

kungfu panda..!!!!!

i definitely wanna watch it =p

so many things have been happening, and im lazy to type it out.
if i start, i dunno when i might end.
haha


anyway,
why do some ppl think that only they are the 'privileged ones'
who can have an outburst
whereas others cannot?
after all, we're human.
and humans have emotions.

and humans arent meant to be manipulated by one another either.

those who have eyes will realise what's happening around
those who rely on heart alone will forever be blinded by the wolf in sheep's clothing.

pls, take a look around u.
if u have brains,
think about it.
i ain't wrong this time.

What the Beach Test Says About You

You like people, but you're careful about who you get close to. Friendship is important to you... so important that you aren't just friends with anyone. You have cold feet when it comes to love. You have a lot of uncertainty until you convince yourself to dive right in. You are a deep and contemplative person. You are as passionate as everyone else, but your passion is not always apparent. Your sense of humor is very physical. Your facial expressions or spot on imitations of people are hilarious.

quite true lah =p

Your Ice Cream Personality:

You are an incredibly modest person. You don't feel comfortable bragging about yourself... or even receiving complements. You have a wild reputation, but you're not as wild as you seem. You take risks, but only measured risks. You are a very open minded, liberal, and flexible person. You love many things. You tend to have tastes that range from down home to cosmopolitan. You are a natural multitasker. You feel alive when you're doing more than one thing at a time. You can be a big dramatic and over the top sometimes. You are bold in every way

this is so LOL.

You Are 35% Left Brained, 65% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

sounds COOL~

haha.

Your Aura is Blue

Spiritual and calm, you tend to live a quiet but enriching life. You are very giving of yourself. And it's hard for you to let go of relationships. The purpose of your life: showing love to other people Famous blues include: Angelina Jolie, the Dali Lama, Oprah Careers for you to try: Psychic, Peace Corps Volunteer, Counselor

total crackpot. =.="


now is 9.28am in the morning.
im glad now.
cos i had durian feast last night at geylang with my uncle & suyi jiejie...
uncle,aunt,suyi,maid,me = 5ppl
ordered 4 durians,
and they dun taste that good =(
thank goodness i ate 5 seeds only,
otherwise tonight voiceless man.


[pimples.!bad breath.! SHOOSHOO~~]


i've made sure to brush my teeth 5 times each ytd night & this morning,
so it shouldn't be a problem when i open my mouth.
LOLs.

fyi: i'm 70% prepared for tonight. as of now =)

Labels: durians, level of preparedness, quiz

okay,

slacked at home the whole day...
supposed to go for kem trg,
but couldn't cos my mum was suspicious of me ,
coupled with a visit to sgh [to visit ah ma],
gave trg a miss.

evening visit to ah ma,
she was super worn out by the pills itself.
seeing her like this...
-sighs-
btw, heard from my mum&uncle that
an old woman diagonally across from my ah ma's bed
has been prowling around the entire room since ytd..
she carries her bag of urine around,
and spilt everything on the floor this morning...
the animal on my ah ma pillow cover is a frog,
yet the old woman claimed it IS a cat,
and shrieked.
so bo bian just cover the pillow with cloth.
-.-

ytd night was a scare for ah ma,
cos she was constantly harassed by the old woman..
so disturbing was she to other patients,
that she was finally locked up in another room for the remaining night.
just now, when i was at the ward,
the old woman really was abnormal.
she went into the male toilet to wash her face,
then scolded the nurse for leading her to the female toilet.
she claimed to want to wash her face,
yet she circled around the entire ward for a good 3 times
before gg to the female toilet,
and emerged without washing her face at all.
-faints-
i really feel sorry that she's a bit looney,
and yet worried that she might just stand by ah ma's bed to scare her
=X




anyway,
tmrw match against kai xuan...
[mentally prepare myself]

i want to redeem myself.
i really dun wan to be an accidental clown anymore.
darn embarassing,
especially with the extra 'tag' on me now..

*prays*



another thing:
i reallyreallyreally detest the way the admin things are done now.
is the person a responsible person,
or a person who decides on things based on a whim?

i hope to hear the answer i hoped to hear.

the way i see things now,
i just have a question:
is everybody crazy?

woke up this morning,
received sms from shabreen & jasmine[da jie].

shabreen gave birth at 2am this morning.
omg luh.
imagine in pain for 1 day.?!

[all sorts of thoughts in my mind now...........]



anyway,

CONGRATS.!
=)))))



tonight's match against jurong west sec.
i've mixed feelings abt this =(
hopefully i'll get what i wished for.
will i?



ytd night went to visit ah ma.
doc says she suffered heart attack =((
when i saw her,
was quite taken aback.
tubes all over her face,
slurred speech
and frequent breathlessness...
are these signs of stroke??
i wonder...
-sighs-

then somebody called,
was at a loss as to recommend who.
i really cant make decisions,
yet i had to make one.
did i make it right??





just came out from toilet,
after shitting.
somebody called,
and i was stumped.

what's my playing style???

my goodness.
i've never asked for recognition.
im not a photogenic person,
neither do i want to be one.

right now,
my brains are overloaded with questions lingering in the air....

Labels: congrats, questions, tonight

GOOD NEWS:

shabreen's in the delivery ward as of ytd 10pm...

so by right shuld have given birth le.

CONGRATS.!! =)
u're a mum to a baby boy =p


SEMI-BAD NEWS:

im down with fever,sore throat,ulcers&runny nose =.=
had a mini scare when doc checked my soles & palms.
she thought i had hand foot and mouth disease.
CHOI.!



BAD NEWS:

my ah ma suffered heart attack,
now she's in hospital.
thank goodness the maid noticed smth was wrong.

im not prepared for anything drastic at all.

*pray*

tmrw...
tmrw....
tmrw......

argh!
i cant slp.

-faints-

random post =)

match ytd was..............[fill in the blanks]
and my morale was damn low to the limit
especially right after the game itself.
really felt like running away..

mistakes,
some stupid,
some embarassing.
especially when xiao yuan fouled out..
i've never experienced this kind of extreme negativity towards myself
ever since the time when i scored an own goal during B girls north zone when i was in sec 3,
and the time when i missed the final free throw which decided the final for north zone in the same year.

was totally overwhelmed by it,
and both these costly mistakes came back to haunt me.
was so hurt by it,
that tears just rolled down when i apologised.
its silly to cry,
but cant control myself.
kept on thinking,
why do these things always happen to me?
when even those things that i did out of goodwill can cause others to suffer?

there weren't answers to my questions..

but i agree with what jinghui said after the game:
u have to earn ur playing time


i dun feel that i've earned the right to play almost the entire match itself
when the bench could've played more.
my stamina really isn't up to the standard,
when i couldn't even last the first quarter itself.
my heart beat so fast,
that i was on the verge of fainting.
i was so scared that i might collapse on the court
and just die like that.
throughout the match,
have been battling within myself
yet i had no conclusion.

went home after team talk,
and i had to pretend that everything was normal,
lest my family finds out what i've been up to.
as i looked at the orange jersey secretly in my room,
i really felt that i'm not fit to wear it at all.
until i reorganise my feelings
and improve my stamina,defense,
i will not be happy wearing it.

there are many things which i don't know,
but i do know for sure that
im responsible for the path that i take.
and that i cannot take it lying down that
i have to quit playing bball so suddenly.
since i chose to play ball again,
i must make sure that i play beyond my limit
and stop with a bang.
.......................................................................................................................

the time now is 11.50pm.
now that i've reached home and bathed,
i can finally say...:
IM IN SUPER BIG TROUBLE NOW.

my father practically cornered me
and interrogated me like its F-O-C =(
i hate this kind of double-life.

absent for sch,
cos had the runs and vomitted.
drank 1/2 a bottle of collamix
and felt much better in the evening.

slipped out,
and went nyp
for frenly against ITE.
really no mood to even touch the ball itself.
cos i am constantly reminded of yesterday.
no rebounds, not aggressive enough.
no.6 kept kiao-ing me,
and i even received 2 hits on the face for FREE.
WTF.
actually wanted to retaliate,
but knew better than to play 'angry' ball.

had team talk after that,
then chionged home.
camp's cancelled
cos all rooms were booked.
so trgs start at 8am.
its a challenge to even leave the hse unnoticed at 9am.
oh my god.

tmrw's lecture day.
the most boring&time wasting day of the week