okay, first things first..

fixtures for Youth Cup & POL-ITE are out...!!

1st match tmrw,
combined schools[white] vs Kembangan

12pm, SBC

hope that we'll win as a team..
jia you!

im trying to think of how to teleport my shoes/jersey to&fro SBC without my parents knowing..
its damn annoying to know that there're ppl
who even take stringent measures to make sure my shoebag is present at all times at home =.=
i can assure u,
this kind of life sucks to the limit.
i have never ever woven up so many kinds of excuses before in my 18yrs..

oh well,
some things cannot be changed.
as long as i enjoy myself,
everything can be forgotten =)


fixtures for POL-ITE,

is machiam recycled from last year,
same time & slots =.=

nyp camp from 11/6-14/6.
i havent shown it to my mum.
good grief,
i'm supposed to hand it in on monday..
im in horrible sH*T now.

dun think i can make it for camp alrdy =(

ever since young,
i have never specifically asked for anything from anybody including my parents.
if i get anything,
its all the things they buy which they ASSUME that i'll like.
i have never expressed my dislikes, just said thank you,
cos i know that its a blessing to be cared for,
as compared to other children in other parts of the world.

yet why when i have really found something which i really like,
everybody dear to me is holding me back from it?

Labels: pre match+camp worries

hello.


so many things have been happening around me.
im so overwhelmed by it.
hais.



anyway,
here's some updates:

i have received 2 warning letters for desfd,
all because i've missed 3 tutorials =X
i dunno whether u call this "heaven making sport of me",
or "maybe i'm just so lucky" syndrome.
i keep falling sick on fridays.!
its either i've been sick/doc appt.
how terrible it has become for me to even face ms wendy,
whos such a nice teacher.
i finally told her the reason why i havent been attending class last friday,
and she went like
'HAR.! so young arh..'

yeah so young.
the prerequisites for most ppl to have thyroids is that ur family members have it too.
and that u usually get it ard 20+yrs old.
but apparently, im not like most ppl,
and im the only one in the entire family to have it.
so it just sucks big time isn't it?
well, initially,
but now can just hope that i'll never ever suffer a relapse as i did on 2 fridays ago AGAIN.

actually it really sucks big time,
cos my hse phone has been ringing.
my relatives are trying to imply that im running away from sch.
which is entirely untrue.
im being scrutinised in such a manner that
all freedom is lost.

for this morning,
being off the thyroid pills [after the relapse]
has nvr felt so good.
im seriously totally sick of having to pop pills into my mouth,
after doing it for 1yr 3mths.
how i wished it'll be sweets im eating, not pills =p

random: i've missed being tgt with DMD0708

okay, that's school side.
now for bball.

as time goes by,
it has become more difficult for me to even get out of my hse.
telling white lies to my parents has been eating into my conscience
ever since i've started it.
so as to attend bball trgs,
i said that im going to sch gym.
which is partly true,
cos im still gg to sch, but not to the gym.


so i happily attended trgs
thinking that there's enough time for me to convince my mum that its okay for me to play ball.
apparently not,
cos i've tried from mid february until now,
and the only progress so far is that she finally allow me to play LEISURE ball.
and she's begun to suspect me alrdy,
cos i have been returning late.
and i cant help it at all.
with my father's extremely loose mouth,
i'll be interogated by the ppl next door in the morning.
how cool is that?!
camp's in june,
and im not 21.
so she's bound to know that i've been trg behind her back when i hand her the forms to sign -.-
and the location of my hse has been a complication,
with the added effect of my ah ma, uncle and that woman.


unable to keep up any longer,
my performance dipped cos i wasn't focused at all.
i told coach cindy during kem trg 2wks ago wads happening,
after performing horribly during trg & looking out of sorts.
i thought i was in for it when i told the truth,
but luckily she wasn't angry.
instead she asked me to forget all my problems and just relax during trgs.
i know that,
but that particular day was just horrible,
cos the excuse i gave to my father was not strong enough to withstand suspicions.
i was so damn scared of my father stalking me
and confronting coach.

my worst fears were confirmed on sat morning,
when nyp had friendly with teck ghee.
supposed to leave hse 7.30am,
but was held back by my mum until 8.10.
was gonna make a rush for the door,
when my father announced he wanted to go to the post office.
he dily dallied ard the hse for a gd 15mins,
before leaving the hse.
naturally, i waited another 5mins to confirm he's gone,
yet when i opened the door,
he came out from next door.
FAINTS.
ended up taking the same lift tgt,
told him that i going to gym.
parted ways,
had a hunch that he'll follow me,
so i walked fast all the way until nan chiau,
and guess what?
i saw him on the opposite road.
[tearing my hair out]
practically made a dash from nc to traffic lights,
and i bumped into mdm yeo&her daughter -.-
chatted with her on the bus,
then ran all the way from bridge to outdoor court.
so i was alrdy warmed up.

judging from the way the friendly went,
it was as if i wasn't there at all,
cos not in the right mind to play.
told coach lin sin about my situation
and it was kinda embarassing when i told her that
my only talking time with mum was during ironing time =x
which is quite dangerous cos she'll threaten me with the iron =.=
gave me solutions, but i've tried them all.
so i think these few days will be crunch time.

if i could help it,
i wouldn't trouble ppl with my domestic affairs at all.

Labels: invisible red tape

actually, i have alot of thoughts that needs to be channelled into words for better understanding.

but chatted with childhood fren just now,
somethings are better left to be unsaid.
hope everything's fine tmrw.

i am lazy to provide updates for today.
pardon me =p

Labels: school woes;10yr friendship

2nd post of the day..............

angela is very hardworking.
no joke man.
she has been doing things from 7am till 10pm. =.=
i nvr knew that a hdb flat has so many areas to clean until today.
this afternoon, she was cleaning the shelves in the spare room next door.
and she unearthed my teletubby[lala],
which i had no feelings for.
my mother bought it for me when i was primary 3.
which is definitely a helluva long time ago -.-
lala is still in good condition, albeit a lil bit dirty.
i've replaced the battery, so its working again.
and i want to donate it to salvation army/anybody who wants it.
i've never been a fan of teletubbies;
i'm freaked out by them.


my big uncle's wife[tua um] brought lunch from home,
while the woman next door took 1/2 days leave.
slept a little in the afternoon,
and was not a nice time to sleep cos both women were talking loudly.
its hard not to hear things when humans have ears.
felt hungry when i woke up,
so tua um offered to cook french toast.
the the woman kea kiang stand behind,
act & talk as if she the one who's cooking.
i can do it myself lo,
unlike her, who always do little actions that plays with ppl's minds.
its so tiring when u have to be constantly on guard
against somebody whom u're trying very hard not to be biased towards.

dinner was a smooth affair,
which is great.

today's the 2nd day without thyroid pills,
and i think i'm on the right track.
no more discomfort.
hooray.

the maid finally arrived.....
her name's ANGELA.
and also myanmese[myanmar]
she has a father,husband & 2 kids back in myanmar.
she says she's 33yrs old,
but dun look like it -.-

anyway, she arrived next door ard 4.30 ytd,
after a fiasco which involved 2uncles & the location of x-ray to be done.
i shall not go into details,
but i dun think anything mentioned had much sense in it.
then my bro came home,
he felt that 'angela' as a name was funny
=.=
i think his name more retarded.
LOL

went for nyp trg in a very good mood..
accompanied tangen to north canteen,
edwina came to watch trg.
then its time for trg lo.
until there was a period of time when my mood was totally ruined.
but sometime later, my mood returned to normal,
so i dun think there is a need for fuss to be made.
did quite alot of drills,
but the leg conditioning part i totally hated it.
i've never liked doing it,
but its a must cos its muscle strengthening.
dots. -.-
something good came out of it,
that is i dun feel pain in my quads anymore =)

had to rush home when trg ended.
how i wished that i had time to myself..

with regards to last post,
i went to see endocrine doc on tuesday.
she said: are you depressed?
i replied: NO
then she said my hormone levels are back to normal,
i'm totally off the thyroid pills
so i can play basketball again.=ppppppppp
which is smth to cheer about,
until she spoke again:
but you still have to take the vitamin pills
-faints-

lets think about it:
when a doc asks you for 5 previous appts whether u're suffering from depression,
and keeps prescribing pills mostly for depressed patients,
i think something is really wrong lo.
so i borrowed book on depression,
and the answers i found to my questions are somewhat startling.

1) Depression is an episodic illness. they can last for weeks/months/years w/o symptoms.

2)ppl with depression do not know they have it, and when they realise it, it may be years later.

3)depression is characterized by changes in mood/vitality/self-esteem/confidence.

4)you experience an awful drone of nullity.[there's no 'feel' of color in my life.]

5)depression saps your ability to concentrate/think clearly. nth sticks in the mind.

6)physical vitality declines rapidly.[lack energy/stamina i'm used to having,feel fatigued most of the time,decreased ability to perform tasks that demand concentration/effort.]

7)doubtful towards others[difficult to differentiate between right/wrong]

8)change in facial expression/muscle tone[answering a question which only required a short answer then hesitate for few mins, and resume again]

9)obstructed judgement[unable to make decisions]

whats worse,
this is just the first 30 pages of the book =.=
i hope that when i finish reading the book,
i'll feel much better.

Labels: maid;emotional highs and lows

the official verdict:

DEPRESSION T.T

yayness.!~~~

man utd. won english premier league[EPL]
hope they'll win champions league =ppp

watched news this morning,
amused to see middlesbroughVS man city scoreline
8:1
eriksson confirm tio sack liao. -.-

anyway,
some updates:

maid is coming on wednesday.
endocrine appt tmrw
dental appt on friday =.=

ytd was mother's day =p
went for kem trg,
they doing some interview.
make everybody take photos,
seriously, i dun really like to pose for the camera, dun ask me why.
added with the fact that i wore huishi's red jersey,
i sure striking in the photos liao
-sighs-
resumed trg,
ugly confrontation.
i should be more careful next time.
unity=peace

wanted to watch women's open badly,
but didn't dare to risk incurring my mother's wrath,
so trained home.
stopped by at cp,
and nth else happened.
fine weather @home for once =p

Labels: EPL;bball

sometimes, the things ppl say
have got no reason behind it.
whether u like it or not,
thats the way i am.
for once, explaining is a chore.
because i speak from observations.
NOT everything has to be spoken out clearly.
some things are better left to be unspoken,
because actions speak louder than words.
u have got to really feel and see it for urself to know what i mean.
excuses are a form of denial.



rotted at home ytd.
chatted with ah ma,
am vexed to know that she REN ppl very long liao.
she let off steam to me,
now im affected by it as well -.-
staying at home is so &^%##^()#%@#@
cos try as i have,
i couldn't escape from the ugly things
which weren't visible to my eyes&heart before.
and to think that she acted as if she didn't care..
completely fooled me
*smacks forehead*

okay, another thing to note:
uncle&aunt came over to do online application for maid on sunday,
she claim to know everything,
and yet she couldn't find the online application form.
she was gg to tear my house down for 1/2hr with her shrills,
while uncle kept telling her to be patient
and slowly find out why the application form cannot appear on the monitor
i was doing my color theory work[back facing them],
and really buaytahan&buaysong at the level of noise pollution.
so i turned and said,
"did you turn off the pop-up blocker?"

"HAR?! what's that?"-----------> her

-FAINTS-
helped them,
so the form popped up.
and she went:
" ORH......CHEY.! liddat i also know lar.!"

=.="
yeah right.
orh ur pi sai la...

next thing:
imagine that u've stayed in a house which has been ur home for 3yrs alrdy,
do u think that u would've known the address& telephone no. by heart now?
apparently, SOMEBODY DOESN'T.
W-H-A-T- A- J-O-K-E
she filled up every section except for the address part.

"eh, whats YOUR address arh?" she said.

"HAR.! u stay here for so long, and yet u still dunno whats ur address?!
how would u reply if ur friend ask u?? " ---------->annoyed uncle

i am so appalled.
not so much on the knowing part
but the attitude when asking.
what does she mean by "YOUR"?
if she feels that next door isn't HER home,
shes free to rot elsewhere except here.
if there was a GIANT pop-up blocker available,
i would like to use it to BLOCK her out from my sight.
so what even if u got ur so called high education?
still dun have simple logic.
the certificate is as good as waste paper then.
my goodness -faints-


ppl envy me that i've a slack timetable for now,
but retaining 1yr is no joke.
i've to admit,
i havent come to terms with it completely,
lets just say its at 90% now.
my attitude of late has been atrocious lately,
so if i ever snapped at anybody,
i apologise for it. =)

i desperately need a break to replace the break which i never had.

tuesdays ARE horrible.
cos 11-12 lect, 5-6 lect.
12-5.?!
slack at home -.-
only thing interesting to note,
was that yr 1s had codid lect before color theory =p
the first thing/person i saw was :


mr. jiunn

LOL
codid has never seemed fun until this =)
maybe cosplay is cool afterall..
but im 1/2 glad that i dunnit repeat codid again.
HAHA

cheryl!!!! the girl behind jiunn looks abit like you...
-smile-


ytd was emotionally draining 0.0
practically rotted in sch from 1-6.30
handed up desfd ex 1 to ms wendy,
cos i was absent on friday =.=
hung ard in the library for 1 hr,
then decided to go leisure shopping at amk hub...
met edwina.! ard shopping arcade cos she distributing the e-lockers cards =)
window shopped awhile,
made up my mind about things...
went to ntuc for fun,
bought Bliss yogurt drink, they were on offer!!
[omg, i sound like an auntie here =x]
reached sch at 3.30,
was supersuper bored...
went to gym awhile,
then went to bball court to do some personal trg 0.0

i find that i actually shoot better with specs than contact lenses
cos when wear specs, the basket appears smaller,
that i've always 40% of the time rely on 'feeling' to shoot.
but wearing lenses make the basket bigger,
so i rely more on my eyes to be more accurate,
which im not used to. YET.
eventually i WILL make it! =)

trg was the same again,
strained my left thigh muscle(quads)...
so pathetic =(
all i ever wanted is to play ball normally,
but it seems that obstacles are constantly in my way.
feel abit disheartened...
NEVER MIND..!
i'll keep on pushing myself to the limit.
actually, beyond the limit if possible =)

good things are happening at home now...
finally, the maid is coming earliest by sat, latest by tuesday..
at least can rest my mind whenever im in sch,
cos now got ppl to take care of ah ma at home le =p

Labels: LOL

i so totally want a carem board and seeds right now,
and for 3 other ppl to play with me =p

random whim
but smart choice.
oops

things on my MOST WANTED list currently:
try to find out how to become a P.I.
carem board+seeds
PSP slim.
MACbook[white]
enrol myself into a guitar course [maybe drum too] =)
Tokidoki mimobot USB thumbdrive
watch NIM's ISLAND
go shopping.[when i've got $$ to burn]
swatch watch.?!

this list is so out of the question. for now =p

i guess its okay to be selfish once in a while,right?

Labels: makes me wonder