pathetic.
teamless feeling.
negativity.
stupid passes.
cock-eyedness.
ashamed.
disgraced.
disappointment.
disappointment.
disappointment
and MORE disappointment. ='(

why train so hard everyday? when it all boils down to performance on court. i just really dont know what to say of myself. since i always cause them to lose their momentum which results in opponents scoring , or i practically just gifted opponents our ball. everytime these things happen, encouragements and advices come pouring in,. but who cares the heck of it when i've come to the point when they don't work on me anymore? i know i've got to address the issue, but there's a great difference between knowing and doing it. perhaps i'm still too immature to some people, but at least i've tried right? nobody stays at the top forever. even jordan makes mistakes. but its always human nature to condemn a person when mistakes are made far too many. so i accept, especially since i also cannot accept the way i played in the past few weeks.
15 more days to POL-ITE cup. and theres no 'team' in the air.. 'tension' i'd rather describe it. yeah, everybody wants to win, but the point is, winning/losing isn't an issue. its the matter of how we play. to win like a loser, or to lose with pride?

in the light of all these events, i've come to a decision. still, i'm hoping, yes hoping, that my decision will be overturned. i guess i'm being naive here, but everyone wants the best of both worlds. my self esteem has taken a pummeling and fell all the way to the bottom. i need to lift myself up once again.

it definitely has been one hell of a month.

Labels: negativity..